Dark nights of winter

Hi

Sorry i haven't posted for a while, I've been having more bad days than good of late.
I promised myself that i would be honest with you on this blog and tell you how it really is when you become an amputee.
You have to put a brave face on for family and friends and along with the medication it can be very tiring.

You don't really know much about my background, but i have been a fighter from the moment i was born.
i was born breach and too late to turn came out arse first and blue, i had to be put in an oxygen tank for my first few hours of life.

Then at one year old there was an accident and i got scolded with boiling water badly burning my chest, the scars of which i still have today.

I was also diagnosed with a squint and had to wear a patch during my infant years, which i thought was cool as i looked like a pirate, then came the NHS specs.

Then when i was a teenager i slipped off a canal wall and landed on my feet cracking both the balls of my ankles. My mum took me to the G.P and he said i had sprained them and encouraged her to get me to walk on them!...after a week of pushing myself around on my skate board i was taken to hospital and put in casts for 6 weeks.

Then when i was in my twenty's i became very ill, vomiting, couldn't keep food down got miss diagnosed for 3 years as a stomach bug, when all it took was one blood test and i was diagnosed with Heli-Bacta polori (a nasty bug that hides under your stomach acids) it took two lots of anti-biotics to clear it up but by then i had ruined my stomach/bowels and got IBS and lactose intolerance. Over the years I've slowly built back up the things i could eat, but still can't have ice cream yet.

Then on my 30th year i broke up with my long term partner (12 years) turns out he'd been seeing someone else for the last 3 years. So kicked him out, and two years later i lost my leg. (Just call me Lucky!!)

But through all that i have kept going, if i wanted to i could dwell on how crappy life has been to me but i have had so many good memories, and my dogs to keep me sane.

The only things that have been getting to me at the moment is that I'm stuck at my parents house (back after 7 years away is hell, as you can imagine) until my old house is done up to rent out then I'm going to move into a bungalow.  It keeps snowing so I'm trapped inside, and I've started to put on weight because I'm not cycling to work. (eating junk food isn't helping). Also I've missed a year of socialising, I've kept in touch with friends on face book and i could get back into things if i wanted, but a part of me doesn't want to and i find that i don't like being around people too long. I know once i get my limb sorted and summer comes i will be out again it's just these dark months get you down.

In February I'm due my next leg which has hydraulics and a tilting ankle so i will post picks and tell you how that goes. x

New Year New Leg

4.01.13


Happy New Year!

It was a quiet Christmas and New Year and i had to stay in with the parents as i can't drink at the moment partly because of the medication i am on which makes you dizzy and also i need to concentrate on balance even more so when drunk.

 

I am now at the stage where i am ready for the next leg! Today i have had a plaster cast of my stump so that a new top mold can be done. I am then going to get a new rubber lining with a suction part that holds the bottom metal leg on.
Once i have got used to this new leg and it is comfortable then they have talked about new knees and an ankle joint, which I'm really excited about!. They said it will take 2 weeks for the new mold to be done. As soon as i get the new leg i will post photos and tell you how i get on.

 

Also i did go to see a Physiologist and I'm still stubborn in the fact that i think i know myself well enough to get through most things. But it is nice to talk to a stranger about your feelings and to get honest feed back. It may not work for you, I'm seeing how i go and if i really need to talk to someone then i know they are there.

The calm after the storm

02/12/12


Since leaving hospital nearly every day was packed with appointments and check ups.
I had to go to physiotherapy for fittings, for hospital check ups on the progress of my healing. for further operations, then more physiotherapy.
Then there were the phone calls, none stop from Solicitors wanting things, and to do home visits, Occupational health doing welfare updates, and the police updating me on the court case.

It's now been 6 months since i left hospital, and everything has stopped.
On Mondays I just have a physiotherapy case worker coming out to the house for catch up, who has referred me to an exercise club called PALs, so soon her visits will stop.
On Thursdays i have a half hour session with a physiotherapist on my wrists to ease the Carpel Tunnel, and that's it.  i get the odd phone call from the Occupational health for an update but i don't have any more appointments. Just odd ones when i need my leg re-fitting if anything is wrong.

You would think i would be glad to have a bit of peace and quiet, but I'm not.
I miss the attention, and the goals to set, and break. I miss impressing people and encouraging others. Apart from this blog that was my therapy as well, and now i feel lost.

My mood has dropped, and i miss being around 'people like me'.
I don't like taking drugs to cover up a problem but i thought i would try Amitriptyline for a bit (it's a drug for depression). I've also asked my Occupational health worker to sign me up to a loca physiatrist to see if that can help. But as i have said before this is my therapy and i feel that talking to some stranger about my childhood won't change anything.
I have also asked to be signed up to an outdoor rehab group, but that's not going to happen until summer next year. So i have to try and find something else to keep my mind active until then.

Because everything is so quiet now for the first time since my accident i now have time to sit and think, and i don't like that at all. Like i have explained in previous posts, i don't have nightmares because i remember everything in vivid detail, and when i sit and think my mind plays over different parts of that day and my mood drops to the floor. I can't stay on drugs for the rest of my life, and i have to learn how to deal with whats in my head, perhaps the Physiatrist can help, i will let you know.    

The long road to walking

8.11.12

Hi all

Sorry i haven't posted for a while i have been waiting for my leg to be adjusted again. You will find that it needs tweaking all the time.


My leg

The bucket part might need re-shaping and the leg part might need lengthening or shortening. In my case it needed shortening because when i tried to walk normally i was dragging my toe on the carpet and had to hitch my hip to walk, this started to cause back pain. If you feel any discomfort report it to your prosthatist.

I have had the leg on now for a week, and in that time i have fallen twice. You will fall there's nothing to be embarrassed about, your learning to walk again and at the moment your walking with basically a stiff leg, that doesn't have a tilting ankle so going up hill and down hill you will find you are walking on your heel to stop you tipping forward.
But i have been told i can't have the flexible ankle until i have learnt to use this basic leg. That's very frustrating but you have to build up your muscles again to learn to take the weight. You will get back ache, and muscle ache but its just like going to the gym. That first week is a killer but after that you find you can do more and more. I have managed to walk 100 yards to my post box and back. That was a great achievement and even though i walked at granny speed i got there. Just do a little bit each day and keep practising your new way of walking.

The only thing i find annoying at the moment is the lip that my bum has to sit on to stop me sinking into the bucket part of the leg.
This is fine when you are standing up, but when you sit down you will need to have a big fluffy pillow as its like sitting on a brick.
My prosthatist has assured me that this will be thinned down with time and slowly i won't need the straps around my stomach. So its a a case of gritting my teeth and getting on with it.

Below is a film of me walking for the 1st time with crutches, i am now walking with 2 sticks.

 

If you need to talk?

Hi

If you have questions you don't want to post on here, or you just need to talk to someone who knows what you are going through and will try to support you the best i can my details are:


suzannah.unsworth@googlemail.com

the.smoo@hotmail.com







Keep smiling

Suzi x

WARNING INJURY PHOTOS

THIS IS A WARNING BELOW ARE PHOTOS OF MY INJURIES. IF YOU ARE EASILY UPSET DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!

I have posted these photos to answer questions that other amputees have asked, and i want to help as much as i can.

Many people have asked me, what does your injury look like? Is it like mine? How long will it take to heal? Do you have any bones sticking out? Does it hurt? When will i be able to walk again?



Top of left thigh



This is a picture of the top of my left thigh, it has had a skin graft over bare muscle. as you can see i am missing the layer of fat and layers of skin you may still have. I also don't have any pores/ hair so when i get hot my leg just feels warm.

It's been 5 months since my accident and believe it or not this has greatly improved. The skin colour is slowly going to more pale pink were as before it looked like a beef burger. It is still sensitive a bit like if someone strokes the underside of your foot, but not painful. Those lines you can see are veins under the skin, that's how thin the skin is but it will thicken with time and fade. Also the skin on the left top is still swollen and i have very poor sensation in it which again will go down in time. (E45 is a god send use it day and night it makes your skin nice and flat)

To answer your question:.

1) how long will it take to heal? 

 Well my legs not going to grow back, but the scaring will fade. I have a scold on my chest with a skin graft which happened when i was 1 year old I'm now 33 and it is nearly flat and fading, just looks like a rash in hot weather. So 5 to 10 years to really start to fade.

2) do you have bones sticking out? 

When they took off my knee they had to saw down the thigh bone so that my muscle could be folded over to cover my bone. So on the top at the right end edge of my bone is close to the surface and feels like your elbow under your skin. except mine is under a thin layer of muscle. Unfortunately when i put on my prosthesis it can rub and sometime make a crunching feeling. i guess this will settle down with time.

3) When will i be able to walk again?

My accident was 5 months ago since then i have gone from a PAM aid to a starter prosthetic leg. It still needs tweaking and rubs in private areas but i am able to walk (with sticks) only short distances. But i will build this up and once the prosthetic is comfortable i will be able to do a lot more. If you still have your knee and you haven't had any complications with surgery then i have seen people get there prosthetic and they are walking without sticks within 3 months!. So it's all down to you really.

You've got to laugh

26.9.12


I went in for a small operation at Leeds General to have the bone in my fourth toe removed because it was loose and trying to work it's way out.
I also i have had a small spot on the side of my stump that wont stop bleeding/ oozing so i asked them to look at that whilst i was there. The theory was it was one of my deep stitches trying to work it's way out and the surgeon was just going to cortisone it.
Well the local anaesthetic injections hurt and it felt so weird having them pull and chip away at my bone with out feeling any pain.

Then they had a look at my side, they had an X-ray of my thigh on the light box next to me and i noticed little white blobs and a big white blob next to my bone and asked what they were.
The surgeon said they were road debris and assured me that when they removed and tidied up my leg after my accident great care was taken to remove all those bits including the big one to stop infection.

So he injected my side and then began to cut in, then after a while he said 'well it's not a stitch but there is definitely something there'.....then he pull out a large stone!

He said straight away 'i am so sorry, i am medically embarrassed i was so sure we looked all over your leg before putting on the skin graft i don't know how we could have missed this'!'

I was just so glad to have it out of me, and that explained why the spot wouldn't stop oozing because the rock under it was trying to slowly come to the surface!

So I'm now at home with stitches in my side and my toe and told to rest and not weight bare, so no practising on my leg for a while.